My reasons why

  • Added:
    Sep 12, 2012
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People often create their own world that can easily be understood based on what their own eyes could perceive and we often miss the real picture. I’ve been here for 9 years now. I am building myself year after year, so I could finally get a grasp on to that missing something I can’t figure out even just yet. In some point in my life, I had stopped growing. It was like I lost my battery to continue moving. I tried to crawl despite the fact that I can’t even feel my own feet. I was showing everybody how I used to be, but they can never identify the difference between moving on and dragging your own butt to go on. I was sure as hell that I wouldn’t last that much longer. It was hard enough to face myself and the world had given me a whole lot more to ensure I would really loose this battle. I crawled, begged and even cried for destiny to forfeit this until I could stand on my knees, but then, I guess It didn’t even notice I called and worst it did not take on to my side for just this stupid fight. I wasn’t able to let them have glimpse on my feelings for that would mean showing my cards and ensure my lost. At any point, I still lost it all. It felt like hanging on a cliff with just a single thread as my only hope for survival from a bone-wrecking fall. At that very moment in my entire life, I was so scared to death. It gave me the creepiest idea that I would be living behind shadows after these. And I was fucking right. It was the most painful and I had been broken the most. I was wondering if I could even get any lower than this.

As I try to put myself together and reconstruct everything, I realized I was missing something. The biggest problem is I couldn’t even identify it. So, I tied to sneak into a junkyard hoping against all hopes that what others have thought as garbage would mean a second chance on my fading life. I went deep down the surface of the crowd, challenging myself that someday I’ll rise up and beat them all. Year after year, I have analyzed my movements, identify my failures and even programmed my damn feelings.

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