My reasons why

  • Added:
    Sep 12, 2012
  • Article Views:
    1859
  • Word Count:
    400

People often create their own world that can easily be understood based on what their own eyes could perceive and we often miss the real picture. I’ve been here for 9 years now. I am building myself year after year, so I could finally get a grasp on to that missing something I can’t figure out even just yet. In some point in my life, I had stopped growing. It was like I lost my battery to continue moving. I tried to crawl despite the fact that I can’t even feel my own feet. I was showing everybody how I used to be, but they can never identify the difference between moving on and dragging your own butt to go on. I was sure as hell that I wouldn’t last that much longer. It was hard enough to face myself and the world had given me a whole lot more to ensure I would really loose this battle. I crawled, begged and even cried for destiny to forfeit this until I could stand on my knees, but then, I guess It didn’t even notice I called and worst it did not take on to my side for just this stupid fight. I wasn’t able to let them have glimpse on my feelings for that would mean showing my cards and ensure my lost. At any point, I still lost it all. It felt like hanging on a cliff with just a single thread as my only hope for survival from a bone-wrecking fall. At that very moment in my entire life, I was so scared to death. It gave me the creepiest idea that I would be living behind shadows after these. And I was fucking right. It was the most painful and I had been broken the most. I was wondering if I could even get any lower than this.

As I try to put myself together and reconstruct everything, I realized I was missing something. The biggest problem is I couldn’t even identify it. So, I tied to sneak into a junkyard hoping against all hopes that what others have thought as garbage would mean a second chance on my fading life. I went deep down the surface of the crowd, challenging myself that someday I’ll rise up and beat them all. Year after year, I have analyzed my movements, identify my failures and even programmed my damn feelings.
 

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