Mom, I Love You
I walked into my mom's room late that night and sat across from her bed as she folded clothes. "I miss him," I began to cry uncontrollably. My boyfriend of almost three years, who I thought was my everything, had left me just three days before Christmas. My mom's calm expression turned to concern and worry.
"Oh honey, he left didn't he?" I shook my head with tears streaming down my face and her face softened as she came over and hugged me. The past two days I'd been lazy, tired, depressed, and easily irritated, snapping at everyone and everything. I didn't tell anyone what happened in the hopes it was just another of our minor break ups due to the stress of distance and other obstacles that tended to get at us once in awhile. Unfortunately, I wasn't so lucky.
"What happened this time," she asked curiously.
"He says he wants a break, that he wants to focus on school which I completely understand. But he also said he wants us to get our lives in order, which I don't get. We haven't argued or anything recently. Everything seemed to be going perfectly fine..or so I thought." There were so many questions unanswered by him, but I thought maybe mom could help. "What am I gonna do? I can't go through this! Everything we planned..our future..I have nothing to look forward to anymore." As I said these things I could feel my heart drop lower into my stomach. It felt as if the acids inside were eating away at the shattered remains of my heart.She shook her head and held me close, smiling slightly.
"That's definitely not true. Your a beautiful, bright, young woman, that brings so much joy into people's lives. But maybe there's another side to this. I know it hurts to think about, but there might be another girl." She looked down at me as she said this, stroking my hair and possibly thinking to herself, "My poor baby girl. I wish I could take the pain away."
"No," I said quietly to myself, shaking my head and closing my eyes as if to block out the idea. The thought of him wanting to become involved with someone else had in fact crossed my mind before, but to actually hear it from someone else filled me with dread and felt like a thousand knives struck me in the chest all at once. What if she's right? What if it really is another girl? All those things about love..everything he said doesn't add up to an outcome like this!
"There's plenty of fish in the sea," she smiled knowing that was a cheesy line." I know it doesn't seem fair, and this won't seem true, but there will be someone else." I rolled my eyes in response. Hah! Yea...Right. Too bad I grew up for sixteen years being told and believing there's only that ONE perfect soul mate for everybody. Nobody was as perfect as him, or ever will be. "I promise, each day will get better. It won't seem like it the next day, but when you look back after a month or so, you'll realize you're healing."
"Mommy, how? What about everything? Promises we made!? Nothing makes sense at all! I can't do anything without it leading me to thinking about Adam. Everything, everyday, in my life has some sort of link back to that boy!" I flopped down on her bed with my face buried in her pillow, and let the tears leave dark, wet circles where they fell.
"You know, I thought the same thing about your dad. But look at me now, look at us both, we don't even show the slightest hint of that type of past. The rain will fall, but the clouds will clear. It can't rain forever, a rainbow will appear. Things happen for a reason, remember?" She smiled yet again, knowing I believe that, kissed me on the head and hugged me tightly as if to squeeze the pain out of me like a tube of toothpaste.
The words Adam and I shared with one another played throughout my head like a CD stuck on repeat. I love you, forever and ever, only you, my one and only, when we get married, our kids Dawn and David, couldn't live without you, my Angel, my wife, my world, my life, never ever apart, And so on. The tears welled up in my eyes again.
And as if to read my mind, my mom broke the painful thread of memories and said, "One day, I promise you again, you'll be able to look back on your memories together and say to yourself with a smile, 'Ya know, those were some great times.' And it won't hurt like it does now.
"What about other guys? I see Adam everywhere, in everything, sometimes even in my friends. I'm bound to end up with someone, someday and I won't be able to handle it because he'll end up reminding me of Adam in some way."
"Adam was your first love, honey, and your first impression of it. You wont forget him and you will compare every guy to him. It's up to you to let that get in the way of your happiness or not."
"And it will get better?" I looked up at my mom with my tear streaked cheeks and a broken heart, which she could clearly see in my eyes.
"Yes. Hearts mend, but only with time will they heal properly. Don't go jumping into a relationship to compensate for your loss. That is the absolute worst thing you could do. Look at the positives, you had the chance to experience true love. The only way to be sure was to know what a broken heart was too."
"Ya? Well sometimes I wish I didn't know," I sneered angrily. I was feeling the anger build up again inside my chest. "I'd gladly decline to ever have to go through such unbearable pain." Even though I knew in my heart I never regretted meeting Adam and never would. The tears continued and I wiped my sore, red nose from crying so much.
"A lot of people pray a long time for something you were so lucky to obtain. You never know, Wynnona, maybe it'll help you in the future. Everythings a blessing in disguise, one way or another. God has so much more in store for you, something better. Adam was what God gave to prepare you for the future. By the way, he's stupid for leaving someone so wonderful," she smirked proudly. "Just know I love you and you will never be alone because you'll always have me." And at that moment I really did know. I realized through every hardship in my life, I'd always have my mom to turn to, by my side.
